In If Boys Will Be Boys Part One – It Never Stops, I spoke quite personally on the effects of buying into this mentality over my lifetime.
In Part Two, I want to talk about the dangerous beliefs, this mantra can produce.
The consequences of this boys will be boys mentality is so perverse and far reaching it becomes difficult to untangle. But ultimately it leads to girls with no self worth, making decisions and allowing certain actions, behaviours based on this complete lack of worthiness.
But first I have to make something blindingly clear. I am not blaming. Nor am I putting the onus on women. In fact what I am suggesting is quite the opposite.
I am suggesting that from an incredibly young age we are instilled with this boys will be boys bullshit from every angle, and that it becomes so ingrained into our society, culture, and girls minds that they unwillingly absorb it. It becomes a belief to live by. It feeds and festers and becomes a mass of unworthiness. And it is this perceived unworthiness that leads to even further harmful and oppressive behaviours and choices.
Let me give you some clear personal examples of what I’m talking about..
Changing your mind and wanting to go home but not being able to afford a taxi and of course he won’t take you, he hasn’t got what he wanted yet, so you just sleep with him because all you want is the night to be over.
Boys will be boys.
Then worrying the whole night because this surely makes you a slut. If you were a good girl you would never have been there in the first place. You got yourself into this situation so best just stick it out. You deserve to be treated this way anyway. You’re worthless remember?
‘Allowing’ a man to feel you up in line waiting for a drink because it’s easier than retaliating, you don’t want to cause a scene.
Boys will be boys.
Thinking that your only value to men is in putting out. So you settle for a man that only ever compliments you in way of your body and looks. Never on your mind or your even that incredibly brave albeit wounded heart of yours.
Boys will be boys.
A girl who learns to subscribe to boys will be boys ultimately grows into a woman who will put a mans comfortability before her own.
Read that again, let it sink in, FEEL it, then maybe we can start to see just how detrimental, all encompassing and frightening this really is..
A girl who learns to subscribe to boys will be boys ultimately grows into a woman who believes a man’s comfortability is more important than her own.
A boy who learns to subscribe to boys will be boys, ultimately grows into a man with the exact same belief. That his comfortability is more important than a woman’s.
That is a dangerous belief. Think about what actions you might take based on that belief.
And it is our beliefs that create our reality, whether they are true or not.
This is the danger. And it is rife.
Another dangerous belief for women: Not knowing they have a right to change their mind in regards to consent.
Dangerous beliefs for men: Not knowing they need to ask for it.
Women: inferior sex, worth less (read worthless).
Men: Superior sex, worth more (read their needs are more important than your safety)
How dangerous are these beliefs?
They lead to even further dangerous beliefs. Which ultimately lead to dangerous behaviors, actions and issues in our society as a whole. It is never ending.
It has to stop.
And it starts so young. With the beliefs we are putting on our children. The seemingly harmless comments we make in regard to sexuality and the masculine vs feminine. We need to be working together to eradicate these beliefs and build a safe and harmonious community for all our people, especially women.
It’s just not safe out there if you are a woman in today’s society. Whether you believe that or not. It is in fact, FACT.
At the time of writing this piece 56 Australian women have been killed by men this year alone. I have no doubt by the time you are reading this that number will have sadly increased.
It’s disgusting and sad and painful and destroying half of our population. And it has to stop.
And for any woman who is reading this, who has been harassed, abused, violated, raped, molested, or ever felt unsafe at the hands of a man, you need to hear me now. What I am about to say next is very important. In fact if it is the only thing you take away from reading this then I have 100 percent done my job.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
None of it.
This is serious and has to be unlearned. I am only just starting to use my voice and I am 36 years old.
I have to relearn how to set up my boundaries and honour them.
I have to relearn that I am a strong, powerful, fierce hearted woman on a mission.
I have to relearn that I have always been, will always be and am in fact worthy.
AS ARE YOU.
But we cannot heal in the same environment that got us sick. Our society is sick. Our culture is diseased.
Boys will be boys is a virus.
And it has to be stopped.
In If Boys Will Be Boys Part Three, I will be discussing the dangerous beliefs of men. Please stay tuned.
Below are some resources for learning more about violence against women in this country. It is incredibly sad and hard to face, but it is vital that we do not continue to turn a blind eye to what is occurring within Australia. This is the work of Australian journalist Sherele Moody, who has done so much in this field. Thank you.
If you need help, please, reach out: